so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
