fuck your aforementioned shoe
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
