I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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