His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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