Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize