Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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