btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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