I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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