Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I need a beard to bite.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
