Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize