woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
there is puke in my bra ... again
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