I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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