walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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