why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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