At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
