had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
