Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
