saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
