Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
