could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He passed out mid-signature
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
