i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
