Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
