Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
