I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
