can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
