Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
