Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
