So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
