I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
