I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
