White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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