her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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