god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Say something about gay babies.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Randomize
