I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
