I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
