The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
