i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
