I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We are all done wearing pants today
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
