He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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