and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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