It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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