I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
