i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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