I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
