Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
