That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
