i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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