i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
