dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize