I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
