I can tuck mytits in my pants
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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