that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
