ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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