Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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