Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
