i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
