I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
