For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
