We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
