these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
