it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
