Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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