yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
