Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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