Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
