I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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