im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
