Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
