I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
