have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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