I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
