She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
