Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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