i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
