First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
