i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
