She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
