I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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