I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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