I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
