I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize