Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
