dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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