Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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