thus making me awesome and them whores
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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