Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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