We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
