last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my sisters under your porch take her home
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
