Swine flu. Run for my life!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
