but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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