Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
