I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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