I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
