my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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